The Lighter
by hathor X
Summary: Draco has gone to Romania, leaving Hermione behind alone with her memories. Oneshot, post Hogwarts, angsty fic and slight mention of HG.


**Title:** The Lighter  
**Author:** hathor x  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters. All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling.  
**Author's Notes:** Hey, here's a one-shot I've been working on for a while. It's kinda sad I guess and loosely based on real life events that have happened over the summer... In any case, I'm now back to work on HWY, I've finished chapter 12 which should be uploaded soon and I'll preview chapter 13 on my Livejournal. All my fics now will be posted on Livejournal first (http:/hathorx. so feel free to friend it if you don't want to wait too long for updates :)

In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy this one-shot... It's Draco/Hermione of course, but sorry, no happy ending I'm afraid. Hermione's memories are written in italics, enjoy!

**********************..~**~..**

* * *

Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!

Hermione endlessly played with the metal Zippo lighter, opening it, closing it, again and again, expertly toying with it through her right-hand fingers.

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

It was a simple medium-sized chrome-coloured Zippo, there was nothing special about it except for the small engraved letters on one side of the outer case.

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

Hermione could play hours on end with the small object, staring at the light reflecting off the shiny metal and wandering off in her thoughts as her eyes traced the silver engraved initials. Sometimes, she unconsciously picked up the object from a table or from inside a pocket and her hand played with it as she read a book, worked at her office or even walked down the street. It wasn't something she could control anymore, her hand was used to touching the smooth and cold surface of the lighter and flicking the lid off only to shut it tight again. She never tried to ignite it anymore though; it had run out of fuel months ago.

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

"Hermione," a calm voice spoke up in front of her. "Who does that lighter belong to? I don't recall ever seeing you smoke."

Hermione looked up suddenly at the mediwizard sitting behind his desk, his quill hovering on a parchment beside him as he scrutinised her with impassive eyes. Yes, Hermione even played with the lighter when she came to St Mungo's for her monthly appointment.

"It belongs to a friend," she answered quietly, closing her fingers over the metal object as if she were scared someone might take it from her.

"I see," he answered in the same calm voice, the quill rapidly jotting down more notes on the yellow parchment. "Well, in that case, I don't think there's anything more to add to today's session. The healer next door will see that you get your usual potions for the next few weeks."

Hermione stood up, pocketing her lighter safely inside her coat.

"Oh and Hermione," he added as she reached for the door handle. "Try get some more sleep. The potions should help clear your mind before you go to bed."

She nodded once and then left, her hand fumbling inside her breast pocket again.

**********************..~**~..**

_"I refuse!"_

_Hermione turned her back to Harry, intending to storm off, but he quickly pulled her back._

_"Don't be stupid, now's not the time to be childish," he said sharply, clearly irritated by her reaction. "We simply don't have time for old grudges. He's your new partner, end of story!"_

_"But Harry, it's Malfoy!" she protested, her brown eyes open wide with disbelief at Harry's request._

_"I know," he said more softly to her, gazing back at her with sympathy this time. "I'm sorry Hermione, but there's no other way. The two of you are both among the best soldiers we have and putting you together is the best plan we've come up with in weeks. We already have a mission set out for you, so do your best to get along!"_

_With that, he disappeared with a crack, leaving Hermione alone in Regent's Park, their meeting point. She suddenly heard a flick of metal to her right and a flame ignited under the nearest tree, lighting up Malfoy's pale face in the dusk surrounding them._

_"Speaking up to Potty now, Granger?" he asked, bringing the flame of his lighter to the tip of his cigarette. "Don't like being stuck with someone like me?"_

_Hermione gritted her teeth in return. "Bastard!"_

_Smoke slowly exhaled from his lips as he smirked at her and stepped closer to her._

_"I'd return the compliment, but I see the years of war have actually done you good," he said slyly, his clear eyes looking her up and down._

_"I don't care what Harry says," she spat out, whipping out her wand. "I refuse to work with you, you miserable prick! Harry never did tell us what you did to redeem yourself and be worthy enough to join the Order."_

_Malfoy flicked his cigarette away in the wet grass and stepped closer, his cold silver gaze meeting her determined eyes._

_"I saved your family."_

_**********************..~**~..**_

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

"How is she doing, Ginny?"

Hermione sat in her room quietly, by the windowsill, staring out through the glass pane at the mounting fields of gold and green stretching out ahead. She tried not to take any notice of the whispers in the hallway, but it was quiet, far too quiet in her room to cover them up.

"Same as usual really," Ginny's voice answered honestly. "She doesn't do much except go to work during the week and then come home and stay indoors, mostly in her room."

"Well, I'm glad you and Harry moved in with her," Luna's voice added gently. "It's nice to know someone is looking after her. I think she needs company more than anything else, she was used to always have him with her, it must be hard for her to be all alone again."

Ginny suddenly sighed in annoyance. "Better off without him, I think! She doesn't see it like that of course, but I always said he was a bastard! It was bound to end like this!"

"Yes, well he didn't have much choice when the Ministry sent him off on mission to Romania," Luna commented hastily. "Long-distance relationships don't always work out."

"Still, after being two years with Hermione, how could he simply forget her after merely a few months?" Ginny admitted, forgetting to keep her voice down.

"What do you mean?" Luna asked in surprise. "I thought they were still writing to each other even after the break-up."

"Oh no! Hermione only received a single letter after that," Ginny exclaimed. "She actually hasn't heard from Malfoy in months! And last time Harry went out there for a visit, he heard Malfoy had moved on. Apparently he's seeing another girl and he's even engaged!"

_"Silencio!"_ Hermione muttered, grabbing her wand from her bedside table and pointing it at the door.

She had had enough of hearing her so-called friends gossiping about her life. Yes, she already knew about Malfoy's brilliant new life in Romania, yes, she already knew that he had a new girlfriend only three months after their break-up and was due to get married next summer; why must they make it even worse?

Feeling salt on her lips, Hermione put her hand to her face and felt tears running down her cheeks. Instantly, she fumbled inside her jean pockets reaching for the small metal object with her fingers and flicked the lid off with her thumb before clicking it back again with her index.

Fuck the magic potions and the mediwizard's advice! No matter what he gave her, she still couldn't sleep at night, haunted by her memories with him and the days when she had felt truly happy for the very first time.

Two years – two years was an incredibly long time and yet, everyday she felt as if her memories were slipping out of her mind. Memories she desperately wanted to hold on to.

_Flick! – Click! - Flick! – Click!_

_**********************..~**~..**_

_"Granger, get down!"_

_She was roughly pushed forward, onto the stone floor of the Hogwarts Entrance Hall, blocks of stone of various sizes falling all around them._

_"Let's get out of here!" Draco said hurriedly, picking her up to her feet and pushing her out through the doorway of the castle, which had been blasted to pieces._

_"No, we didn't get what we came for, we can't leave until we find that book!" she shouted back, fighting against his grasp and promptly being hit by a Cutting hex._

_Draco fought off the two Death Eaters running after them and then picked her up to her feet, hauling her forward._

_"Screw the book, we're going to get ourselves killed! Now come on!" he shouted, taking her hand and running outside down the track leading to the castle gates._

_Minutes later, they had safely managed to Apparate back to Hermione's cottage, the two of them panting heavily and clasping their sides._

_"What the hell is wrong with you?" Draco suddenly roared once he had caught his breath again. "You could have got yourself killed!"_

_Hermione looked back at him incredulously. "I was trying to complete our mission!" she told him fiercely, tugging at her cloak to unclasp it from her neck._

_"Not at the price of your life or mine, Granger!" he continued, his grey eyes blazing with fury. "If you want to win this war then you have to know when to pick your battles and this one, we were clearly losing!"_

_"We're not going to win anything unless we get that book!" she cried out, ripping her clothes off from her shoulder to get a better view of her wound._

_"Merlin Granger, you could have been killed tonight! Don't you even think about that, don't you even care anymore whether you live or die?" he exclaimed, taking the disinfectant from her hands and applying it himself on her shoulder. "Because I bloody do!"_

_Hermione looked up at him in surprise. "You don't care about me, Draco. You keep saying that you don't care about anyone but yourself."_

_His pale eyes flicked back to hers and she noticed his pupils dilate slightly._

_"Things change," he said softly and Hermione suddenly realised how close he was standing. She could smell his familiar scent of mixed tobacco and cologne, which enveloped her and confused her mind. "Are you saying you wouldn't care if I died?" _

_Hermione didn't know what to say in return and so she remained silent, preferring to watch him take care of her instead. It wasn't the first time that he took care of her like that and when she thought about it, it wasn't the first time tonight either that Draco had saved her life._

_No, of course she would care if something happened to him, but how affected would she really be? He was her partner after all and whether or not she had hated it at first, she had gradually accepted the Slytherin and had even managed to create some sort of bond with him. They had certainly become something close to friends, but could it also be something more? She had grown to like him over time and she was definitely intrigued by the reasons that made him switch sides during the war._

_"Draco," she began, purposely using his first name, "why did you decide to join the Order?"_

_He looked away again, his fingers fumbling with the linen bandage he was wrapping around her shoulder._

_"They killed my mother to punish me," he told her after a moment, his voice devoid of emotion. "After that, all I could think of was revenge. If I couldn't save my own mother, then at least I could protect others as I protected yours."_

_Hermione's mouth sagged open in shock at his words. _

_"You never told me this before," she said after a while._

_"You never asked," he said shrugging, finishing the bandage on her arm and glancing back at her. _

_"Granger, don't! I don't want your pity," he said coldly, stepping away from her._

_"I owe you much more than that," she told him softly, suddenly taking his hand. "I'd never realised before just how many times you've saved my life since we were partnered."_

_He smiled at her, a genuine smile, which was a change compared to his usual smirk and enhanced his handsome face even more._

_"You don't owe me anything, Granger," he replied, tucking a random strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers brushing lightly against her cheek. "It's not like you haven't saved mine as well."_

_They remained silent for a while, both of them staring into the others eyes, not quite knowing what to say, until Hermione spoke up again._

_"I don't think I could ever get over it," she finally whispered, feeling herself drown within two pools of silver._

_Draco frowned at her words. "What?"_

_"You wanted to know whether I'd care if you ever died," she told him simply, continuing to gaze into his eyes. "The truth is, I don't think I could ever get over it."_

_He looked back at her briefly, astounded by her response, until, without warning, he pulled her forward against him and kissed her hard._

_**********************..~**~..**_

It was dinnertime and Hermione was downstairs in the small cottage kitchen, helping Ginny set out the table. A few minutes later, Harry came home from his work at Ministry and settled himself along with the girls around the dinner table.

"So, how was everyone's day?" Harry asked, wolfing down his shepherd's pie.

"Oh, nothing special," Ginny answered, reaching for the salt. "Very few people came to the shop today and so I spent the rest of the afternoon here really."

"What about you, Hermione? I didn't see you at work today," he continued, looking up at her.

"I was at St Mungo's for most of the afternoon," she answered quietly, pouring water in her glass. "I needed more sleeping potions."

Harry laughed jokingly in response. "Gosh, you're not still taking those potions because of him, are you?"

Although his tone was playful, Hermione felt his words stab at her like a knife. He was her best friend and yet, he simply couldn't understand the pain she went through everyday. He had never lost Ginny before, he hadn't even left her side for more than a week when he travelled on Ministry business. He simply couldn't understand what she was going through and so, of course, he thought the whole thing was ridiculous.

"Um, no," she answered, trying to sound more casual about the whole thing. "Of course not. It's just that I've had trouble sleeping because of bad headaches."

Ginny put her fork down and glanced at her incredulously.

"Oh, well it's good to hear that you're finally over him," Harry continued, focusing back on his dinner again and missing the look on his wife's face.

A few hours later, Hermione was back in her room, sitting by herself in the dark, watching the moonlight outside, the lighter at work in her hand as her mind wandered away.

_Flick! – Click! - Flick! – Click!_

**********************..~**~..**

_"Draco?"_

_"Hmmm," he answered, burying his face in the crook on her neck and kissing it gently._

_Hermione smiled, wriggling between the white sheets as Draco's hot breath tickled her skin. The sun had risen already but neither of them wanted to get up just yet._

_"I'm going to miss you," she whispered softly, taking his hand in hers and stroking the back of it with her thumb. "I don't want you to go."_

_"I know," he answered, propping himself up on his elbow. "But I won't be gone long, it's only for four months and I promise I'll come back whenever I can."_

_Hermione turned her head to look at him, tears suddenly shining in her eyes._

_"I wish you didn't have to leave me," she told him, her voice cracking as she spoke._

_He sighed, wrapping his arms around her tightly and stroking her messy dark brown hair._

_"Hermione, maybe you should come with me," he told her soothingly, kissing the top of her head._

_"We've already been through this," she answered, brushing away her tears quickly. "I'm needed here, the wizarding community is in pieces, Harry needs me at the Ministry until we get everything back to normal."_

_She kicked the covers off her and slipped out of his arms as she suddenly got out of bed._

_"I'm sorry, I'm just being silly," she told him, turning back to kiss him fully on the lips. "I'm sure the next four months will fly by and then you'll be back here with me again."_

_Draco stared into her shiny chocolate eyes and smiled. "I promise, love."_

_**********************..~**~..**_

A soft knock on Hermione door brought her back to reality and she quickly put down the lighter and brushed her tears away.

"Come in," Hermione called, switching on her bedside lamp.

It was Ginny. She was wearing a nightgown and slippers and quietly walked inside closing the door behind her.

"Hey, are you alright?" she asked, sitting down by Hermione on the bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hermione answered, forcing a smile on her lips. "What brings you here? I thought you and Harry had gone to bed."

Ginny stared back at her thoughtfully.

"Hermione," she finally spoke up and stopped, sighing loudly. "Why did you lie to Harry earlier on about Malfoy? Why couldn't you just tell him the truth?"

"What's the point?" Hermione explained softly, turning to look out of the window again. "It's not like he could ever understand. He's got enough problems to deal with at the Ministry, no need to add mine to them."

Ginny remained silent, her soft eyes looking pitifully at her friend. Hermione noticed it and frowned slightly.

"Ginny, really I'm -"

"And what about the lighter?" Ginny interrupted, casting a glance at the bedside table where it was sitting. "I always see you playing with it when you think I'm not looking. Did you buy it just to remind you of him?"

Hermione paused, before finally turning her head slowly towards the lighter and stared at it for a moment.

"No, I didn't," she finally said with a small smile on her lips, picking up the lighter from the table and showing the initials engraved at the bottom of the case.

"D.M." Ginny read out loud, staring at it in surprise. "Merlin, it actually is Malfoy's! But, he never used to lend it to anyone, not even you, how come you have it?"

Hermione smiled softly. "Draco bought it the day he joined the Order and always kept it on him ever since. He said it was his lucky charm and even claimed that it had saved his life once, although I kept telling him all the smoking would eventually kill him one day. He gave it to me before he left for Romania."

She paused, drawing in a ragged breath and looking more closely at the silver object than ever, as if recalling the day it was given to her.

"He gave it to me, because he said he would come back for it in four months' time. It was his promise to me that no matter what, we would see each other again when he came back to collect it."

Hermione continued to stare at the lighter as she opened it with her thumb and immediately closed the lid again. Tears slowly began to slide down her cheeks and this time, she didn't bother to wipe them away.

"It's been almost a year now and he still hasn't come back for his lighter or me. It's funny how things turned out really, if only I had gone over there with him, if only his mission hadn't kept him there longer than intended, if only I had had the courage to tell him how I really felt about him, how much I loved him; maybe I would still be with him right now, maybe I would have been happier. If only - if only - "

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

"Hermione," Ginny finally spoke up with concern, taking the lighter out of her hands and wiping the tears off her face. "You have to listen to me now. This - all of this - has gone on for far too long now. You can't live on like this, Hermione, you have to move on - Malfoy's moved on and as hard as that is to hear, it's the truth. I'm so sorry hon, but it's time for you to forget about him."

"Yeah I know," Hermione answered sadly, putting the lighter away in a drawer as Ginny stood up again. "I just need time to figure out how. 'Night Ginny."

"Goodnight Hermione."

The next day, Hermione went out for a walk into the woods nearby her cottage. She walked quickly, lost in her thoughts, until she came to the very forest clearing with a large pond where Draco had given her the lighter.

**********************..~**~..**

_"Here, take it."_

_He handed her a silver object and Hermione stared at it incredulously and laughed._

_"Draco, we've just said our goodbyes and now you're giving me your lighter?" she asked him jokingly, raising her eyebrows._

_"No need to be cheeky," he retorted, taking her hand gently and laying the silver lighter in her palm. "I want you to have it."_

_She glanced up at his soft grey eyes and realised how serious he was about it. "But you never part with it. Why give it to me?"_

_"Because this lighter is the only possession I have left from my old life and it's the only thing I really care about at all," he explained, closing her fingers around it, "apart from you of course."_

_He smirked and drew her in closer to him, his mouth seizing hers into a kiss. However, there was nothing sweet or tender about it, instead his kiss was urgent and almost desperate and Hermione suddenly realised that this was it. Draco, her Draco, was really going to leave her and God knows when she was going to see him again. Breaking off the kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, feeling the tears well up in her eyes again as she leaned her head on his shoulder._

_"That lighter is all I can give you at the moment, Hermione," he whispered in her ear, holding her just as tightly. "The war has taken everything else away from me. Keep it with you, don't lose it because in four months' time, if not before, I will be back for it. I promise you, I will be back for the lighter - and for you."_

_**********************..~**~..**_

Hermione looked out across the misty surface of the pond and then glanced down at the silver object lying in her palm.

"I kept it with me at all times, but you never did come back," she spoke out loud to herself.

_Flick! – Click! – Flick! – Click!_

"You lied to me."

Looking up again, Hermione drew her arm back and then threw the lighter out into the pond with all her might. She watched sadly as it hit the surface of the water with a plop and then disappeared from her sight.

"Goodbye, Draco."

**********************..~**~..**

* * *

sniff! Yes, I know, but I wasn't really in the end mood for writing happy fics. It's not one of the best fics I've written, but if you still enjoyed it, thanks for leaving a review! Constructive criticism is welcome of course, but please no flames :)

Oh and I'm STILL looking for a beta-reader, so if you're interested, send me an email!

Thanks, hathor xxx


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